Punography
#1
Get ready to groan....Laughing

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid.
But he says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea?
Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went.
Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club,
but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns.
It was a play on words.

They told me I had type-A blood,
but it was a Type-O.

PMS jokes aren't funny;
period.

Why were the Indians here first?
They had reservations.

We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory.
I hope there's no pop quiz.

I didn't like my beard at first.
Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job
because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog,
but I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank,
but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker,
but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class
because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen.
The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery
because I kneaded dough.

Velcro - what a rip off!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home.
Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner again?
Oh deer!

The earthquake in Washington obviously
was the government's fault.
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#2
Oh, gawd, come back Henny Youngman, all is forgiven!
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#3
(06-29-2012, 11:26 AM)TennisMom Wrote: Oh, gawd, come back Henny Youngman, all is forgiven!

Laughing Laughing Laughing
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#4
I couldn't author a pun for anything.. But I can enjoy them. Thanks C.
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#5
All that you weave,
And all that you spin,
The shuttle goes out,
The shuttle goes in.
The orange and yellow,
Are backwards my fellow.
But don’t yet say, “Darn!”
Because the sun is eclipsed by the yarn.


Hey. It's pun.Rolling Eyes
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#6
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
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#7
There was a pun contest.

I wrote a dozen.

Two were crap, so I tossed them out, but I entered the rest into the contest hoping one would win.

No pun in ten did.
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#8
Went to Nordstroms to buy a sweater and handed the cashier my card.
She swiped it and handed me my card back.
The transaction didn't go through so she asked,
"May I see your cardigan?"
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