Craigslist funny stuff

[tvguy]

HEY GCG, your boy is still being whacky

This little 6 year old girl in California needed an electric wheel chair because the state of Cal took her
electric wheel chair to fix it and she never saw it again. To get around people have to throw the little girl over their shoulder like a sack of potatoes. So the '' Firewood Angel '' heard about this little girl needing an elec chair so he put the chair he
had put it on a trailer and took the chair to Cal to give to the little girl who was imprisoned in her own house because she could not go anywhere so the little girl took off in the elec chair that the ''Firewood Angel '' brought her and was able to go around her neighborhood
to see all of her friends because she had a new electric wheel chair. When the little girl's father asked the '' Firewood Angel '' how much they
owed him the '' Firewood Angel '' said '' Thats on me '' and then went home back to s. Oregon.
So now you know the reason why the '' Firewood Angel '' sells the very best dry seasoned silver madrone firewood cut to 16 inch length and split delivered and stacked for 150 dollars a cord its so he can help people out like the little girl.
So call the '' Firewood Angel '' to order your cord of silver madrone firewood the number is 5-4-1-2-2-6-9-4-5-7- please feel free to call 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Check out the pics of my wood here in this ad. Stay tuned for the {People of Southern Oregon food bank run by the ''Food Angel'' Its concept is how one professionially trained chef can end world hunger. When you buy firewood from me it gives me
more money to send free firewood all over the country through the U.S.Postal service you know if it fits it ships its a wonderful program.
Now I am going to send ready to eat gourmet food all over the country hunger is unacceptable to me. The last pic is a gourmet greens salad
presented with rose petal salad.
I am a real person anyone with any questions please call the # in this ad .
Its called the anointing.
Thank you everyone .
Kindest Regards
The '' Firewood Angel ''.








http://medford.craigslist.org/for/3816538850.html

[tvguy]

Huminifire - $40 (Talent)
Works just fine just we dont use it any longer and need it gone asking 40obo all offers are considered thank u

















http://medford.craigslist.org/hsh/3820393289.html

[Wonky]

Well you just go ahead and laugh at Craigslist.
Not me.
I bought a genuine Picasso painting from a couple up on Thompson Road. Paid $1320.00 dollars for it, a tad more than I wanted, but still a good deal. The people up there told me it was worth a lot of money and if I didn't believe them I could check with Luther, down at the Applegate store, who knows a lot about art.
I'm saving the picture for my grand kids education. Figure it outta put all 7 of 'em thru school.

So that right there proves that not everything on Craigslist is foolish or a sucker bet and such.

(Luther had died by the time I got around to going to see him. The people who sold me the painting hooked up their single wide and moved. Probably wanted to live closer to town)

[BeerMe]

STOLEN SCHWINN BIKE (Medford)
This is a long shot but....
I lived in Medford in 2000. I had a schwinn pro modified 1 bmx bike. it was stolen out of my friends car. Im sure it is long gone but if I could get this bike back I would pay reward! black frame red schwinn pads. red odyssey pedals chrome wheels red S&M Bars. profile cranks Like I said I know its a long shot but any one who knows these bike would know this one if they saw it. I found this picture on google. Its funny because this is the same pad set i bought for bike! If have any info or know where abouts please contact me. I live in california now but will make the trip to pick up and gladly pay cash reward. Please call (530)710-6237

stolen bike from 13 years ago?

[TennisMom]

Wonky:

Beer:
Very strange.

[chuck white]

STOLEN SCHWINN BIKE (Medford)
This is a long shot but....
I lived in Medford in 2000. I had a schwinn pro modified 1 bmx bike. it was stolen out of my friends car. Im sure it is long gone but if I could get this bike back I would pay reward! black frame red schwinn pads. red odyssey pedals chrome wheels red S&M Bars. profile cranks Like I said I know its a long shot but any one who knows these bike would know this one if they saw it. I found this picture on google. Its funny because this is the same pad set i bought for bike! If have any info or know where abouts please contact me. I live in california now but will make the trip to pick up and gladly pay cash reward. Please call (530)710-6237

stolen bike from 13 years ago?

I bet it been sitting in a field somewhere and is a rust ball.

[tvguy]

WELL BEARALL - $30 (MEDFORD)
image 1 image 2 image 3

this is a nice one wont last ; Also I have all kinds of yard tools



http://medford.craigslist.org/grd/3823977885.html

[tvguy]

"headed off to college" Will they let her in the door?



I got this car as a christmas present from my parents on 2011. I never really liked the car and never really drove it... my step dad used it for a little to get to work and back and now it just sits in our driveway.. I am now headed off to college and need some money to get up there and get seetled in with... It runs good as far as i know.. only driven it a couple of times and it has been sitting there ever since. Don't know if anything else is wrong with it rather than it clanks a little when u back up... i really need to get atleast our money out of it to get myself SOME money for college. I am asking $800 but I am willing to bidge with the price a little.. pleace contact me at (removed) or email me at above email. thanks ~Jennifer

[Tiamat]

"headed off to college" Will they let her in the door?



I got this car as a christmas present from my parents on 2011. I never really liked the car and never really drove it... my step dad used it for a little to get to work and back and now it just sits in our driveway.. I am now headed off to college and need some money to get up there and get seetled in with... It runs good as far as i know.. only driven it a couple of times and it has been sitting there ever since. Don't know if anything else is wrong with it rather than it clanks a little when u back up... i really need to get atleast our money out of it to get myself SOME money for college. I am asking $800 but I am willing to bidge with the price a little.. pleace contact me at (removed) or email me at above email. thanks ~Jennifer

Geez. Did you jump on that?

[tvguy]

"headed off to college" Will they let her in the door?



I got this car as a christmas present from my parents on 2011. I never really liked the car and never really drove it... my step dad used it for a little to get to work and back and now it just sits in our driveway.. I am now headed off to college and need some money to get up there and get seetled in with... It runs good as far as i know.. only driven it a couple of times and it has been sitting there ever since. Don't know if anything else is wrong with it rather than it clanks a little when u back up... i really need to get atleast our money out of it to get myself SOME money for college. I am asking $800 but I am willing to bidge with the price a little.. pleace contact me at (removed) or email me at above email. thanks ~Jennifer

Geez. Did you jump on that?

Oddly enough that sales pitch she used just didn't do it for me.

[csrowan]

Yoga mat for sale. Used once. - $1 (Bellevue)

Yoga mat for sale. Used once at lunch hour class in December 2009. Usage timeline as follows:

11:45a
Register for hot yoga class. Infinite wisdom tells me to commit to 5 class package and purchase a yoga mat. I pay $89.74. Money well spent, I smugly confirm to myself.

11:55a
Open door to yoga room. A gush of hot dry air rushes through and past me. It smells of breath, sweat and hot. Take spot on floor in back of room next to cute blonde. We will date.

11:57a
I feel the need to be as near to naked as possible. This is a problem because of the hot blonde to my left and our pending courtship. She will not be pleased to learn that I need to lose 30 pounds before I propose to her.

11:58a
The shirt and sweats have to come off. I throw caution to the wind and decide to rely on my wit and conditioning to overcome any weight issues my fiancée may take issue with. This will take a lot of wit and conditioning.

11:59a
Begin small talk with my bride to be. She pretends to ignore me but I know how she can be. I allow her to concentrate and stare straight ahead and continue to pretend that I don't exist. As we finish sharing our special moment, I am suddenly aware of a sweat moustache that has formed below my nose. This must be from the all the whispering between us.

12:00p
Instructor enters the room and ascends her special podium at the front of the room. She is a slight, agitated Chinese woman. She introduces me to the class and everyone turns around to greet me just as I decide to aggressively adjust my penis and testes packed in my Under Armor. My bride is notably unfazed.

12:02p
Since I do have experience with Hot Yoga (4 sessions just 5 short years ago) I fully consider that I may be so outstanding and skilled that my instructor may call me out and ask me to guide the class. My wife will look on with a sparkle in her eye. We will make love after class.

12:10p
It is now up to 95 degrees in the room. We have been practicing deep breathing exercises for the last 8 minutes. This would not be a problem if we were all breathing actual, you know, oxygen. Instead, we are breathing each other's body odor, expelled carbon dioxide and other unmentionables. (Don't worry, I'll mention them later.)

12:26p
It is now 100 degrees and I take notice of the humidity, which is hovering at about 90%. I feel the familiar adorning stare of my bride and decide to look back at her. She appears to be nauseated. I then realize that I forgot to brush my teeth prior to attending this class. We bond.

12:33p
It is now 110 degrees and 95% humidity. I am now balancing on one leg with the other leg crossed over the other. My arms are intertwined and I am squatting. The last time I was in this position was 44 years ago in the womb, but I'm in this for the long haul. My wife looks slightly weathered dripping sweat and her eyeliner is streaming down her face. Well, "for better or worse" is what we committed to so we press on.

12:40p
The overweight Hispanic man two spots over has sweat running down his legs. At least I think its sweat. He is holding every position and has not had a sip of water since we walked in. He is making me look bad and I hate him.

12:44p
I consider that if anyone in this room farted that we would all certainly perish.

12:52p
It is now 140 degrees and 100% humidity. I am covered from head to toe in sweat. There is not a square millimeter on my body that is not slippery and sweaty. I am so slimy that I feel like a sea lion or a maybe sea eel. Not even a bear trap could hold me. The sweat is stinging my eyeballs and I can no longer see.

12:55p
This room stinks of asparagus, cloves, tuna and tacos. There is no food in the room. I realize that this is an amalgamation of the body odors of 30 people in a 140 degree room for the last 55 minutes. Seriously, enough with the asparagus, ok?

1:01p
140 degrees and 130% humidity. Look, bitch, I need my space here so don't get all pissy with me if I accidentally sprayed you with sweat as I flipped over. Seriously, is that where this relationship is going? Get over yourself. We need counseling and she needs to be medicated. Stat!

1:09p
150 degrees and cloudy. And hot. I can no longer move my limbs on my own. I have given up on attempting any of the commands this Chinese chick is yelling out at us. I will lay sedentary until the aid unit arrives. I will buy this building and then have it destroyed.
I lose consciousness.

1:15p
I have a headache and my wife is being a selfish bitch. I can't really breathe. All I can think about is holding a cup worth of hot sand in my mouth. I cannot remember what an ice cube is and cannot remember what snow looks like. I consider that my only escape might be a crab walk across 15 bodies and then out of the room. I am paralyzed, and may never walk again so the whole crab walk thing is pretty much out.

1:17p
I cannot move at all and cannot reach my water. Is breathing voluntary or involuntary? If it's voluntary, I am screwed. I stopped participating in the class 20 minutes ago. Hey, lady! I paid for this frickin class, ok?! You work for me! Stop yelling at everyone and just tell us a story or something. It's like juice and cracker time, ok?

1:20p
It is now 165 degrees and moisture is dripping from the ceiling. The towel that I am laying on is no longer providing any wicking or drying properties. It is actually placing additional sweat on me as I touch it. My towel reeks. I cannot identify the smell but no way can it be from me. Did someone spray some stank on my towel or something?

1:30p
Torture session is over. I wish hateful things upon the instructor. She graciously allows us to stay and 'cool down' in the room. It is 175 degrees. Who cools down in 175 degrees? A Komodo Dragon? My wife has left the room. Probably to throw up.

1:34p
My opportunity to escape has arrived. I roll over to my stomach and press up to my knees. It is warmer as I rise up from ground level - probably by 15 degrees. So let's conservatively say it's 190. I muster my final energy and slowly rise. One foot in front of the other. One foot in front of the other. Towards the door. Towards the door.

1:37p
The temperature in the lobby is 72 degrees. Both nipples stiffen to diamond strength and my penis begins to retract into my abdomen from the 100 degree temp swing. I can once again breathe though so I am pleased. I spot my future ex wife in the lobby. We had such a good thing going but I know that no measure of counseling will be able to unravel the day's turmoil and mental scaring.

1:47p
Arrive at Emerald City Smoothie and proceed to order a 32 oz beverage. 402 calories, 0 fat and 14 grams of protein -- effectively negating any caloric burn or benefit from the last 90 minutes. I finish it in 3 minutes and spend the next 2 hours writing this memoir.

3:47p
Create Craigslist ad while burning final 2 grams of protein from Smoothie and before the "shakes" consume my body.

4:29p
Note to self - check car for missing wet yoga towel in am.

[Tiamat]

Looking for the dark mermaid (Talent)
Looking for the dark mermaid to bath in dirty pond and mow the lawn.

Thank you.



Posted: 2013-05-11, 11:36AM PDT

[bbqboy]

http://medford.craigslist.org/pet/3859680676.html
CL medford all community pets
Reply vdvzf-3859680676@comm.craigslist.org [?] flag [?] : miscategorized prohibited spam best of Posted: 2013-06-09, 10:52AM PDT
fun and loving
i have 2 male cats, almost a year old. Both of them are nuetered and are outside- indoor cats, (they love being outside). One is all grey with green eyes and the other is white and grey patches. Im sleeping on a couch with my fiance and my 6month old baby for a few months now. i cant find a place to live, so now i cant keep them. i love them very much and both of them are brothers so it would be better if they could go together. please no calls if your not serious, 541-846-9483. please help me find a good home for my cats.
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Posting ID: 3859680676 Posted: 2013-06-09, 10:52AM PDT email to a friend

[PonderThis]

Are you the one sleeping on a couch with your fiance, 6 month old baby and 2 cats? Now that would be funny.

[bbqboy]

I've got no couch. Or fiance. And definitely no 6 month old. Maybe it is Wonky and that's why his back hurts.

[PonderThis]

It's gotta be those two cats.

(No wonder they have to go as a pair, to even the pain out.)

[tvguy]

http://medford.craigslist.org/pet/3859680676.html
CL medford all community pets
Reply vdvzf-3859680676@comm.craigslist.org [?] flag [?] : miscategorized prohibited spam best of Posted: 2013-06-09, 10:52AM PDT
fun and loving
i have 2 male cats, almost a year old. Both of them are nuetered and are outside- indoor cats, (they love being outside). One is all grey with green eyes and the other is white and grey patches. Im sleeping on a couch with my fiance and my 6month old baby for a few months now. i cant find a place to live, so now i cant keep them. i love them very much and both of them are brothers so it would be better if they could go together. please no calls if your not serious, 541-846-9483. please help me find a good home for my cats.
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Posting ID: 3859680676 Posted: 2013-06-09, 10:52AM PDT email to a friend

Why did you post this? it's kind of sad. I see tons of posts that are similar.

[Scrapper]

[tvguy]

What the hell???




4 WEEK OLD PITBULL x HYENA PUPPIES $600 F, $450 M, $900 PAIR - $600 (GRANTS PASS)
image 1 image 2 image 3 image 4
We have a litter of 9 (There were 11) rare hyena pitbull mix puppies for sale. They are four weeks old and mother has already weaned them. Their sharp teeth were shredding mama's teats. They would probably benefit from bottle feeding but seem okay with just meat. Mother is a hyena we rescued from a shelter in the desert. We paid $300 extra to not have her spayed. Father is a male pitbull that is a guard dog on a neighbor's medical marijuana property. Mother may have been used for fighting in past and is very aggressive. She is on site. These puppies will probably not be good with kids or livestock or other pets. These dogs are very pack oriented and very territorial and will aggressively defend whatever they think is their own. Owners should not be too dominant and especially not too submissive while they are maturing. They will continually test whoever they think is pack leader for dominance as they grow as they are very pecking order oriented. They require a high meat diet and lots of exercise. Grains give them very bad gas. They will probably not do well in neighborhood environments because if something runs they will chase. They have a very cool but somewhat disturbing laughing bark. And they like to howl and laugh loudly during full moons. These dogs will need lots of exercise and also VERY secure fencing. They love to dig and will make large burrows for themselves if you let them. However be careful as in the wild they can use the burrows as collapse traps for large mammals and humans. A couple are special needs pups that seemed to have lost a paw in sibling squabbles but they should be fine and these maybe grow back - These puppies will be cheaper. Males are $450. Females are $600. Breeding pairs are $900. Trades may be worked out. Please. No dog fighters We would like to see these puppies go to good homes. Emails only as we do not want calls from telemarketers.

Location: GRANTS PASS


http://medford.craigslist.org/grd/3866598424.html

[Scrapper]

What the hell???

http://medford.craigslist.org/grd/3866598424.html

Flagged for removal. Darn it! I wanted to see the photos.