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First of all, it's not my style to take tragic events to a public forum. While I appreciate the thought behind online condolences, that's not why I am posting this thread. That said, here goes:
Two weeks ago my youngest sister was killed while crossing a busy street at night. From what little we know she was jaywalking and it was quite likely, (although not for certain), more her fault than anyone else's. It has occurred to me that, regardless of blame, the young man that hit her might be having difficulty with all of this. I have no interest in knowing his name or in being made aware of any of the details or circumstances. My question is this: If you were in his shoes, would you want to hear anything from my family? I'm talking about something in the vein of, "we hope you are getting through this and we are sorry that it happened but no one is blaming you..."
I guess I'm considering trying to get a note to him via the local Sheriff. I have no problem with him remaining anonymous.
Any thoughts?
For the record, there was no indication of impairment on either the driver or my sister.
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(11-26-2017, 08:59 AM)GCG Wrote: First of all, it's not my style to take tragic events to a public forum. While I appreciate the thought behind online condolences, that's not why I am posting this thread. That said, here goes:
Two weeks ago my youngest sister was killed while crossing a busy street at night. From what little we know she was jaywalking and it was quite likely, (although not for certain), more her fault than anyone else's. It has occurred to me that, regardless of blame, the young man that hit her might be having difficulty with all of this. I have no interest in knowing his name or in being made aware of any of the details or circumstances. My question is this: If you were in his shoes, would you want to hear anything from my family? I'm talking about something in the vein of, "we hope you are getting through this and we are sorry that it happened but no one is blaming you..."
I guess I'm considering trying to get a note to him via the local Sheriff. I have no problem with him remaining anonymous.
Any thoughts?
For the record, there was no indication of impairment on either the driver or my sister.
First, and most important, It is impossible to express fully the sympathy I feel for the suffering you are experiencing and unfortunately will have to bear for far too long. It's unfair, cruel, and without reason that this tragedy has fallen on you and your family. I wish you healing as soon as is possible, knowing full well you have no choice but to endure what only time can heal.
I don't think you should feel in any way awkward about posting the information here. We may be dysfunctional, contrary, and combative, but we have been a community for a long time and have developed relationships that make us more than mere "acquaintances".
About your contacting the driver: I have no thoughts, but would encourage you to seek the council of a mature and trusted person you respect for guidance. It might be better to delay a bit than to act and possibly regret it later. Or maybe not...good advice will serve you well.
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Sad to hear. I think your idea is a worthy one. If I were in those shoes (god forbid) I think it would be appreciated. It may not do any good but I certainly don't think it could possibly do any harm.
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I agree with the way cuzz put it.
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Sorry for your loss. 
I think acknowledging the drivers grief and letting him know you hold no ill will would be admirable, but I would wait until any investigation has concluded. I'm not saying to wait for legal reasons necessarily, more as to put an end to the tragic event in a forgiving manner.
Putting myself in the drivers shoes? I think I would appreciate hearing from the victim's family in a case like this. Good luck with whatever you decide.
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I agree with Cuzz 100%.
And, my sincere condolences to all touched by this tragedy.
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(11-26-2017, 08:59 AM)GCG Wrote: First of all, it's not my style to take tragic events to a public forum. While I appreciate the thought behind online condolences, that's not why I am posting this thread. That said, here goes:
Two weeks ago my youngest sister was killed while crossing a busy street at night. From what little we know she was jaywalking and it was quite likely, (although not for certain), more her fault than anyone else's. It has occurred to me that, regardless of blame, the young man that hit her might be having difficulty with all of this. I have no interest in knowing his name or in being made aware of any of the details or circumstances. My question is this: If you were in his shoes, would you want to hear anything from my family? I'm talking about something in the vein of, "we hope you are getting through this and we are sorry that it happened but no one is blaming you..."
I guess I'm considering trying to get a note to him via the local Sheriff. I have no problem with him remaining anonymous.
Any thoughts?
For the record, there was no indication of impairment on either the driver or my sister.
Well I see a couple hear have recommenced you wait until all the facts come out as far as who is at fault.
But you did say "regardless of blame,"
So I say yes do what your gut is telling you. There is nothing to be lost and plenty to be gained
Sorry for your loss.
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Thanks for the responses and kind words. I have considered the legal ramifications and I am going to make sure that the investigation is closed before going forward. I guess I feel that, in many ways, the guy that hit my sister might be suffering more than anyone else. Sure it's terrible to lose a child or a sibling. But it's got to be pretty damn hard to have been in the driver's seat during this accident. Of course I'm just projecting how I would feel in that place. For all I know the guy is totally at ease and secure in the knowledge that it was unavoidable. Because I wasn't there, I don't know what REALLY happened. If I had to make a guess I'd say that my sis used bad judgement in crossing when/where she did. And I'd guess that the driver might have been momentarily distracted by something... be it oncoming headlights, tuning his radio, talking on the phone... who knows? Maybe he was totally focused on driving and it still happened.
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