OMG advise please
#1
Ok folks here goes, my daughter is here visiting, which I am very happy about, well i just found out that my sister who I have not seen in about 5 or 6 years will be driving through here to go to see my mom. She will be coming with her kids (4 of them). Now she allows her kids to cuss at her, we do not allow our kids to cuss like that, nor do we like the yelling. We also have a 3 bedroom house not sure where we can put everyone. What should we do, also my Dad may came out also. I think we may put them up in a hotel for a night. So what do you think
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#2
Where's the cuss jar? Some good has to come of this.
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#3
If they are not well behaved ? Don't put them up in your home. Lay down the law and stand your ground period end of sentence .
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#4
I think you should ask them what they prefer. They may want to stay in a motel and think you would be offended if they did.
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#5
That might be more diplomatic but I prefer humble honesty .
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#6
(12-12-2011, 07:44 PM)illcommandante Wrote: Where's the cuss jar? Some good has to come of this.
I like that idea.
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#7
It doesn't matter what their parents allow them to do... but when they are in your home? Oh no! I say let the sister know what will and will NOT be acceptable behavior in your home. Then let her decide if she wants to stay and make the kids tow the line... or go.
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#8
(12-12-2011, 07:45 PM)Valuesize Wrote: I think you should ask them what they prefer. They may want to stay in a motel and think you would be offended if they did.

My sister is a single parent she doesn't have the money to stay in a hotel, i will pay for it. My sister just lets the kids do things because it is easier. My kids are yes maam yes sir and all that stuff, if my kids ever told me to f-off I would more than likely slap them, my kids do not talk to me like that, her kids always say things like that.

I am also worried about how mu husband will deal with all this. I am so nervous right now I am not sure how to handle this.
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#9
You have to be strong for your whole families sake. Sounds to me like you can pad your list of honeydos with the proper call's Blondemom.
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#10
(12-12-2011, 07:53 PM)Scrapper Wrote: It doesn't matter what their parents allow them to do... but when they are in your home? Oh no! I say let the sister know what will and will NOT be acceptable behavior in your home. Then let her decide if she wants to stay and make the kids tow the line... or go.
I agree

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#11
Make it easy on yourself, and your husband and put them up in a motel. And I think the swear jar is a good idea too.
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#12
I remember neices and nephews that required guardians. We would put precious objects out of reach ... until their teens. Then we were screwed. I still have an antique Jack Nicholas Wood that was cracked because they thought hitting stones off the street was a good idea. They were beyond the age when I thought so (by a dozen years at least) ... and they will never catch up. Only $250 for the set (Persimmon woods) but I bought them for 50$. Less now no doubt. Oh well, I gave away baseball cards worth a thousand at least. I'll let them live.

And you have problems!

It comes down what you are willing to take I guess. Irritation goes with being family in my book. Perhaps change that is gathered by fucking cursing will make you feel better, but I won't sympathize. Foul words would not beat the shit out of my better stories. They instead would be the victims. Jeesh ... loud volume and cursing ... I wish.

But you set your standards. I had a friend with less standards than mine. No feud ... no cops? Success!!!! On it goes.

Just my opinion. Set your jar down and tell them "no fucking swearing". Stick in your fine. Then offer a treat. See if they pay for it.



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#13
I love my sister, she has had some rough times. Both of her ex-husbands are jerks. I do not know if there was physical abuse but there was emotional abuse. With her kids it was easier to let it go than fight with it. Now if what another sister said is true one of my nieces told my Mother f-off or f-you. I make it sound like I am prim and proper. I mean there is a time to cuss, it is just not around the dinner table. I do not allow smoking in my house. If you want to drink booze go for it, but we do not drink so you may have to bring it yourself. Do nut put your feet up on the furniture, you eat at the table or in the kitchen,you clean up after yourself. I am not going to allow the kids to do something in my house that my kids are not allowed to do. But I do have plenty of food that I will offer you, and i will try to make a place for you to sleep (it may be on the sofa).
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#14
(12-13-2011, 04:34 AM)Queue Wrote: It comes down what you are willing to take I guess. Irritation goes with being family in my book. Perhaps change that is gathered by fucking cursing will make you feel better, but I won't sympathize. Foul words would not beat the shit out of my better stories. They instead would be the victims. Jeesh ... loud volume and cursing ... I wish.

But you set your standards. I had a friend with less standards than mine. No feud ... no cops? Success!!!! On it goes.

Just my opinion. Set your jar down and tell them "no fucking swearing". Stick in your fine. Then offer a treat. See if they pay for it.

When I say loud I am not sure how to say it, I have 4 kids we are German we are loud, but this is different type of loud. My sister can not control her kids.
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#15
I wonder why you seek advice about this.
Think about the options and choose the one you feel is best.
Without complete history, and information from "the other side" (as it were) I, for one, would never presume to offer advice.

On thing we do know: This is bound to give you a headache.
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#16
How about headsets for all as an early Christmas present. Smiling
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#17
Honestly, go for the hotel.

"You know, our house right now is filled to the brim but I'd really love to see you and the kiddos so I booked a hotel for you close by". It's understandable, non-offensive and it gets you some down time at night which I'm sure will be appreciated.

Kid wise, it's your house and your rules-- it is certainly in your right to stop certain behaviors, maybe not punish, but there is no way I'd let a kiddo sit in my house and swear about almost anything without saying anything.
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#18
(12-13-2011, 08:38 AM)Wonky Wrote: I wonder why you seek advice about this.
Think about the options and choose the one you feel is best.
Without complete history, and information from "the other side" (as it were) I, for one, would never presume to offer advice.

On thing we do know: This is bound to give you a headache.
I think she feels isolated and this is a good place to simply let people know she is struggling. After all the RVF is a psychological soup kitchen for those who see it as such. United We Stand [Image: soup-kitchen-volunteer.jpg][Image: stsights_ernie_10_09_01.jpg]
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#19
It's kind of a bummer that you might have to shell out for your sister and her family to stay in a hotel. That's money you could be spending on your own family. You didn't say how long she'd be staying. If it's just one night you can get through it. When they transgress, correct them by saying "We don't use that language in our house." You are within your rights and can smile and be very nice when saying it. Don't wait until you get angry, speak up immediately. "Sorry but we don't put our feet on the furniture in our house." Smile. "We have rules and it's not your fault if you don't know what they are. I still love you but please don't use the word 'Fuck' here. If that's too difficult, then perhaps we can discuss you guys going to a hotel although we'd rather have you here."

Even if you have to spring for the hotel in the end, at least you'll have tried. Whatever happens, good luck!
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#20
(12-14-2011, 05:55 PM)TennisMom Wrote: It's kind of a bummer that you might have to shell out for your sister and her family to stay in a hotel. That's money you could be spending on your own family. You didn't say how long she'd be staying. If it's just one night you can get through it. When they transgress, correct them by saying "We don't use that language in our house." You are within your rights and can smile and be very nice when saying it. Don't wait until you get angry, speak up immediately. "Sorry but we don't put our feet on the furniture in our house." Smile. "We have rules and it's not your fault if you don't know what they are. I still love you but please don't use the word 'Fuck' here. If that's too difficult, then perhaps we can discuss you guys going to a hotel although we'd rather have you here."

Even if you have to spring for the hotel in the end, at least you'll have tried. Whatever happens, good luck!

This is the fun part she is heading to my Mom's house for Christmas so on her way down in will be for one night, and we are using that as a test to see how things go, then on her way back she will stay 2 nights, I have talked with my sister and told her things like the cussing isn't really allowed ( I am not talking about the words like shit, hell, damn, I am talking about the f-bomb and words like that). And I am not going to allow her kids to do things mine are not allowed to do. She is only bringing 3 of her kids so i will have 6 kids on the house from the age of 21 to 11. Then my Dad may drive up from the Big D, to see everyone. So this should be fun.

But I was so worried about my sister's kids, But I have had to talk with my Daughter regarding her language she is using. As well as some of her dress. I am so tired of telling her to pull up her pants, I am so tired of seeing butt crack right now.
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